Friday, July 08, 2011

Jesus and Marriage

I was watching The Da Vinci Code on TV a couple of days back and the following scenario came to mind. If Jesus and Mary Magdalene actually did get married, this is probably how it ended:

Jesus has just walked in through the door with his disciples, late in the evening. Mary is pissed.

Mary (walking up to Jesus): "I can't take this anymore, Jesus! You're never home! 

You're always out with your friends. 

I have strange people knocking on my door all morning saying, "Where's Jesus? We need a miracle!' And I have to tell them to f*** o** because I don't know where the hell you are! 

You can turn water into wine but when I throw a party for my friends I have to make my own humus! 

I have to cook for these 12 guys who are always around but you never do the dishes! 

I don't think I can live like this any more!"

Jesus (rolling his eyes): "Gawwwwd!! Crucify me! Crucify me now!"

The rest is as the Bible says.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

How Promotions Work in Terrorist Organizations!

I love how promotions work within terrorist organizations! Wikileaks just leaked this conversation between Ayman al-Zawahiri and an Al-Qaeda courier:

Courier: "HEY MAN! Are you down there?"

Zawahiri: "It is AYMAN! And, yes, I am down here!"

Courier (crawling into hole): "My brother, I wish to congratulate you!"

Zawahiri: "About what?"

Courier: "Our leader, Osama, is dead. (bowing head in reverence)...BUT THAT MAKES YOU THE WORLD'S MOST WANTED MAN NOW, HAYMAN! How long have you waited for this, huh?"

Zawahiri: "Too long! I mean...I feel bad for Osama, but I have worked hard for this, you know! Celebrations will begin outside this hole at 20:00 and end at 20:05...because I don't want to be detected you know!"

Courier: "Of course, of course! We will step out for a breath of fresh air and a peek at all of Allah's beauties!"

Zawahiri: "Aah, yes, I haven't had a peek in so very long! I could use a peek now!"

Courier: "Yes, yes, especially because the surrounding countryside has become quite liberated since we have had to go underground! So much peeking to catch up on!"

Zawahiri: "That is good! But tell me, how did they get to Osama?"

Courier: "Oh, they tracked him because of one of our stupid Couriers, the miserable ****up!"

Zawahir (in a high pitched voice): "W-T-F?!!!!!"

Courier: "But good for you, eh brother? MOST WANTED MAN IN THE WORLD! FINALLY! You'd better practice your head movement now. We tend to get shot in the head a lot!"

Zawahiri: "Inshallah!!"

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Jack and Jill - Redone!

I've loved Roald Dahl ever since I read his short story, Parson's Pleasure. As much as I love his story telling, I absolutely adore his Revolting Rhymes! He's a true master at putting his own evil spin on old, popular fables and rhymes. The following is my own attempt at redoing Jack and Jill. Hope you like it.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to fetch a pail
of water.
Jill carried the pail
all the way up,
While Jack arsed-around
behind her.

Said Jack unto Jill,
"Can you slow down, please?"
"I need to catch
a breather!"
Jill smiled kindly,
sat down beside him,
said, "you're wheezing
like an ol' geezer!"

"You know smoking can kill you,
and yet you persist,
why do you do it,
oh brother?"
Jack looked quite silly,
as he puffed on a ciggy.
But his joy,
was like no other.

Said Jill unto Jack,
"What could it be,
that makes you smoke,
so frivolously?"
Jack smiled at her,
as he lit up another,
and said,
"Ah, but it makes me look real natty!"

On the way back home
Jack stopped with a groan,
and coughed up his lungs
all asunder!
Then Jack fell down
and broke his crown.
And Jill?
Didn't dare smoke thereafter.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Renewed Passion for Life!

When I was a kid, my passion was sketching. It was something that consumed me, though I never did really achieve the kind of skills I would have liked. I gave it up after a point because my academics was taking a back seat. It's been a long time since that I've felt as enthusiastic about anything. But in the last few years, my life has expanded to include three new things that have reignited that childhood passion: first, my family and kids; I want to be the best dad I can be! Second, my photography; I'd always been interested in this art and after getting my first, respectable digital camera, I seem to have made some headway in the right direction! And finally, my guitar playing. As a kid, I longed to be one of those cool guys you see playing the guitar, with an ardent following of female admirers! It didn't make things easier that my dad was a pretty good guitarist himself and that I had uncles and cousins who were quite adept at it. Because somehow, I just couldn't stick with it, in spite of repeated attempts. I would give up easily. Weirdly enough, having taken up the guitar at the age of 31, I've actually learned a lot more now than I did in my youth! 

So, here's a post dedicated to one of my passions at least; my photography.
I took this pic at beautiful lagoon in Havelock, Andamans.

The beauty of this lagoon made me feel like I could do no wrong with my photos!

Long way to go!

Best bud!

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Silent Night

Yesterday turned out to be a long day at work. As I walked in the front door at 10:30 last night, the first sight to greet me was the by-now-familiar mess in the living room. Toys strewn all over the floor, Lisa's shoes left carelessly out of place, a hand towel dropped behind a chair. The dining area was a bigger mess, with the chairs all out of place around the table. The kitchen floor was littered with potatoes that Beth had played with and there were plates just about everywhere, except where they were supposed to be. Other than this mess though, the house was quiet!

On any other evening, I would have been irritated at the sight. But for some reason, this particular evening I felt peaceful. The mess on the floor meant I had two happy, healthy babies who'd run amok the entire evening! Which meant that they were tired out by now and fast asleep in bed. Which explained the peace. Which also meant that I could have a quiet dinner myself, maybe talk with the missus, and then look forward to a good night's sleep.

I felt blessed. 

Friday, September 03, 2010

Khosla Ka Ghosla!

The last six months have been torture-some. Having realized one of our most cherished dreams, the missus and I are actually helplessly watching the dream turn into some kind of nightmare! We booked our flat late last year and soon realized that the builder we'd picked is as shady as they come. What is it about the builder community that they are so cut throat? And why is it that the common man in India is so helpless against this lobby? The most we can do is expect to be able to turn to the law; to the courts. But when was the last time you heard an Indian speaking about his confidence in the Indian judiciary? Sadly enough, while it is our only recourse, we have no faith in it! No one wants to grow old while waiting for our courts to mete out justice. Our only hope right now is that we can wake up from the nightmare sometime soon. I guess you could say we need a 'kick' right about now!

On the good side, the last six months have taught me a lot about life. It's funny how we aspire to teach our kids all the good lessons our parents taught us, even though every day we learn for ourselves that those lessons are long outdated! Good doesn't necessarily win over evil. "Ask and you shall receive" is the most overrated statement ever (except when you're asking for trouble). And compromising on your beliefs is often the smartest way out!

Finally! What I Wanted for My Blog!

I finally have what I wanted for my blog! New design templates! I've updated the blog with a new look and I hope to be posting more often now. Hope you like the look and hope I can live up to my own expectations!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Is it Wrong to Want More?

One of my wife's favorite rants at me is that I am never really happy with anything I have! This came up again recently when I was going through another low patch. I mulled over it a bit and realized that she was right--which is the usual conclusion when I mull over my wife's rantings! I am, in fact, hardly ever truly happy with what I have. I guess this trait materialized when I first became aware of "wants", and then just stayed with me! So, I am and always have been a "craver" and will probably never be a "make do-er"!

But am I that different from everyone else? And is wanting more really that bad? A few days ago, I glanced at the front page of the Pune Times--"glancing" at the news is all I have been able to muster these days--and caught a headline about Jeniffer Aniston. The headline said something to the effect of "Jeniffer Aniston wants hotter body!" Now, one would think that if you're good looking enough to be on television, be a significant part of one of the most popular TV shows in television history, and have a budding career in're set for life, right? You really shouldn't feel the need for anything more! And yet, Ms Aniston obviously thinks differently!

But I'm not going to judge her because I can totally see the sense in her wanting a "hotter body"!Just because most people in the world would look at her photos and go "She is goddamn pretty!" doesn't mean Ms Aniston isn't entitled to silicone implants and an even tauter belly! The reason I don't judge her is because I came to understand the following quite some time back: as human beings, we will always want more! We cannot help ourselves! Even those of us that look like we've never wanted a dime more than what we have...actually want that dime! And that includes my wife!

The trick is to not be too vocal about your wants...too often! That's right! If you can get what you want easily, it's okay for you to want more, even if you're being a glutton. If you're in the habit of getting what you want easily, you won't need to crib about the next thing you want. And if people don't hear you cribbing, they'll always think you're a gem of a human being who's happy with his or her lot! But if you don't always get what you want, you really have no other option but to crib about it or to at least look like SUperman with a bad case of Kryptonite poisoning!

So, if you ask me, I say want and crave as much as you like, but tone the bellyaching down a notch or two!